How To Save America
I figured it out, which should come as a relief to everyone.
This is what we have to do in order to save our country.
Step 1: Set up a large screen in the Capitol Building. Force all members of Congress to gather. Then have them watch Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.
Step 2: During the movie, serve various types of cookies and chamomile tea. The servers should be children.
Step 3: Immediately following the movie, have Bill Cosby interview the children. He will ask them about what it means to live in America. This will be funny and heartwarming.
Step 4: Have the President of the United States read the Declaration of Independence to both the Congress and the children in attendance.
Step 5: Dismiss the meeting, but be sure to give all members of congress a personalized Gift Bag before they leave. The Gift Bag will include three letters, a gift certificate for $50 to a Friendly’s restaurant with a note encouraging them to take their family , and their birth certificate. The letters will be from an unknown child, a soldier stationed overseas, and the person dearest to them. The birth certificate is to remind them where they come from.
Step 6: Invent three new holidays. One will honor Dr. Seuss. One will be called Family Survival Day. One will be called Charity Day.
Step 7: Wait for a solar flare to disable all electronics.
Step 8: With the food and water and survival skills gathered from Family Survival Day, people will survive for the 3-6 months needed to get our systems back online. And hopefully Charity Day will prevent them from killing each other.
Step 9: Have the President give a speech about what really matters. The months spent in basic survival mode will have humbled everyone, greatly reducing corporate greed and political power grabs. His speech should reach everyone.
Step 10: Build an anti-solar flare dome around the entire earth.
Follow these simple steps and I guarantee you that this country will be right back where it should be.