Of course there is much that I have on my mind day to day that I wouldn’t want to write about publicly. Being human, I imagine this is common to most. We all have our secret thoughts and imaginings. But I do want to write about this. Think of it as a well thought out sigh.
There are times when I want to complain. And then I am reminded that there are many in my position, and many more who are worse off, and the fires of frustration die down a bit. What is this position? Singleness, or singularity as I like to call it.
I know what you’re thinking, cry me a river. Or maybe that’s just what I’m thinking. Good family, many good friends, faith, food, clothes, a home, a job, and the ability to read, write, and post it all for people to see. I have a good life for sure. And I have reason to hope for a good future. So what’s the problem?
When I was very young, about preschool age, I wanted a girlfriend. Back then it was just a silly thing of course, but that silly thing never left me. As I got older I always felt it deep down, below my ever changing thoughts and outlooks and physical body. And I never went through that “girls are icky” stage.
Skipping over much, we come to the present. In my 23 years I have had one relationship that lasted under a year. That was five years ago. Now you’re up to speed.
The other day I was filling a propane cylinder for a girl who looked about my age. We made the usual “Nice weather, but hate the humidity” small talk. Then, the smallest thing caught me off guard. She said, “Thank you” and smiled and looked me right in the eye and kept it there for more than a moment. To any observer I’m sure it was nothing. And it probably was nothing. But just that extra little moment. That little tiny unsubstantial fleeting moment. That smile that said, “I see you.” That little bit of female recognition. That mustard seed of a glance that became a tree in the fertile soil of my hope. Well, it made me smile.
Similar things have happened before. And when it does, one rain drop seems to quench the vast desert of unsatisfied longings.
So that is the silver lining. Many drink their fill of love and remain forever thirsty. For the son of singularity, a small drop of water brings life to barren lands.
It is no evil thing to want a good woman.