It just wouldn’t be New Year’s Eve without Dick Clark. That must be why they force a dying man, suffering the crippling side effects of a stroke, to host a major event one night every year. It’s tradition! To get a better idea of what I’m talking about, please watch this clip.
Disclaimer: This is not a subtle indication that I believe that the Jews control the media and therefore force Dick Clark to host the new year’s show every year. I just think the song is appropriate.
Tradition is the reason we force Dick Clark out of his bed. Tradition is the reason we prop him up and give him a microphone, even though he can’t speak clearly. And tradition is the reason we watch the same lame New Year’s Rockin’ Eve program every year.
So what am I suggesting? I’m suggesting that we stop torturing Dick Clark, and simply hand it over to Ryan Seacrest. They’re basically the same person anyway. Dick hosted American Bandstand, and Ryan hosts American Idol. Dick hosted his own radio show, and Ryan hosts one as well.
We have to let go of this tradition! Or else future civilizations will think we have a tradition of torturing the infirm.