Earthquake Evidence of Greater Threat,Scientists Warn

Today’s 5.9 quake, which ravaged the east coast by knocking over books and lawn gnomes, irritating the obsessive compulsive homeowner to no end, may be a warning sign of an even greater threat.  This is according to a growing number of scientists who hold to a belief that is so controversial, it isn’t even being discussed by the larger scientific community. 

“We understand that our colleagues are not ready to listen to us.  When first exposed to this truth, it is difficult for the rational mind to accept,” says Bert Ambler, a scientist.  “But if they, and the general public would simply listen to the evidence, I know that we would be vindicated.” 

The Earth’s crust, which is the surfacey part that we live on, floats on a massive ocean of molten magma.  Well, this crust is broken up into plates, which slowly move every now and then.  When the right amount of pressure is exerted, these plates rub against each other and that causes earthquakes.  At least, that’s what I remember from seventh grade science class.  As far as I know, this is what most scientists believe.  Natural forces act on each other and every once in a while, all hell breaks loose.  Makes sense.  But what do these other scientists believe? What are they worried about? 

In 1964, an experiment was conducted to test the natural instincts of humans.  14 toddlers were first placed in a room with an unplugged toaster.  Researchers observed that the children showed mild interest and no detectable fear.  Then the same children were placed in a room with a cat.  The cat walked around them, and the children tried to pet it, but none of the children showed any signs of tension or fear.  Then the researchers added an adult black bear to the room, and were startled with what they found.  The children were at first alarmed, but within a few seconds formed a perfect circle around the bear and appeared to kneel in reverence.  The bear, heavily drugged, showed no interest.  Scientists have struggled to make sense of these findings. 

“That was our first clue that there was something strange about bears,” Ambler said.  “But I didn’t get involved until the next breakthrough.”

In 2006, the remains of a lost civilization were unearthed.  To many, they are known as the Lost Civilization, but to some they are known as the Bear People.  Here’s why.   Images of bears were found carved into many walls.  Most resembled normal bears, but some appeared to have an extra feature.

“They had wings!” said Sir Laurence Russel, head archeologist with the dig.  “This is a most odd finding.  We were initially baffled.  But then we found a tablet that made the whole thing even more fantastic.”   Burried among the remains of a young man’s skeleton was a tablet with some writing.  Using some science, they were able to decipher the words. 

Bears everywhere!  We love and hate them.  Why are they flying?  Earth shakes before they come.  Beware shaking ground.  Bears hate to talk politics.  Don’t get sarcasm.  Beware the bears with wings!-

Lance Rock III

 Putting 2 and 2 together, scientists are starting to question the existence of a race of super flying bears.  And some are even taking it a step further.

“Look at the Great Barrier Reef.  It’s starting to disappear.  But wait!  Bearier.  It only makes sense that the bears are repelled by coral, and the disappearance of this reef will usher in a new bear apocalypse,” says Ambler. 

Perhaps the bears are real.  Perhaps they will fly high into the sky and fill us with shock and awe.  Perhaps.  But with more and more evidence piling up in support of this fantastic theory, what will scientists of the future say in objection? 

 Or, will they say nothing as they fight off these super bears?

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