The Far-Reaching Consequences of a Shrinking Egg

Egg on the right is the original 39g

If you know me, you know this story.

In 2006 Cadbury eggs shrunk in America from 39g to 34g.  At that time Cadbury of America hid behind the slogan, “They haven’t gotten smaller, you’ve gotten bigger.”   Of course this was just a ploy and the lid was eventually blown off on the Conan O’Brien show when B.J. Novak (Ryan from The Office) held up the 2005 egg next to the 2006 version.  The difference in size was obvious.  Fortunately, the egg remained the same size in all other countries so any true connoisseur could obtain them with just a little extra effort.  Then in 2008 Canada shrunk their egg to match the American version, and by 2010 only England, the home of Cadbury, held true to the 39g classic.  In just a few short years only one bastion remains.  England is the final stronghold.

A bit of detective work, some would call an obsessive crusade, has revealed to me that Hershey is the true culprit in this crime against humanity.  They are the ones who distribute Cadbury products in America, and they were the first to experiment with the reduction.  I have to believe that when most people didn’t even notice the difference, or when they did notice didn’t care enough to boycott, the power players around the world saw an opportunity to save buckets of money.  If people are going to spend the same amount for less egg it only makes sense to produce more of the smaller eggs.  I can’t say I blame them, but I can’t say I don’t despise them deeply.

So what are the implications of this Hershey/Cadbury (Now Kraft owns Cadbury so they are included as well)  power play?  What happens when a people grow apathetic to the growing influence of their governments and corporations?  Liberty is traded for ignorance.  Freedom is traded for a false sense of security.  The powerful become stronger while those subjected to them become weaker.

We’ve settled, people.  We’ve settled for a smaller Cadbury egg.  When Netflix went crazy with arrogance and decided to raise prices and make their service less convenient by breaking it into two entities, people jumped ship by the hundreds of thousands.  This forced Netflix to keep their prices low and ditch that lame “Flixster” idea.  When Bank of America said they were going to start charging a $5 debit card fee, people revolted and forced the banking giant to drop that scheme.  The American people have the power to change policies.  We are the ones who give these corporations power.  We are to blame for the 34g Cadbury egg.

As long as the same nerds who hate George Lucas keep giving him money, George will keep ruining Star Wars.  As long as people keep seeing bad 3D movies, Hollywood will keep making them.  As long as we keep watching the new terrible episodes of The Simpsons, they will keep animating them and ruining their once great legacy.  As long as we keep eating these false 34g Cadbury eggs, they will keep feeding them to us.

This Easter season, don’t settle for less.  Purchase your eggs from England and take a stand against tyranny.  Another American Revolution is coming, but this time our freedom comes from the British.

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Posted on February 7, 2012, in Everything Else, Popular Culture and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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