Meatless Minority Aim to Cook Lady Gaga’s Goose

First, she wore a dress made out of meat to the MTV Video Music Awards.

Yes, this is real meat.

Then, she made the statement at a rally to repeal the military’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy, “Equality is the prime rib of America, but because I’m gay I don’t get to enjoy the greatest cut of meat my country has to offer.”

Metaphor: Its what's for dinner

Needless to say, PETA is outraged.

“Meat is the decomposing flesh of an abused animal who didn’t want to die, and after time spent under the TV lights, it would smell like the rotting flesh that it is and likely be crawling in maggots—not too attractive, really,” the organization said in a statement.
PETA is not alone in its disgust.  There are other obnoxious groups and individuals who want to roast Lady Gaga on a spit.
ACTION (Animal Carcasses Taste Incredible…Or Not) is launching a campaign to destroy Lady Gaga’s career.  The group released the following statement:
We are not telling our members to kill her, but we’re also not telling them not to.  ACTION is serious about saving the lives of animals from all carnivorous beasts.  We support the hunting of lions in the name of preserving gazelles.  If Lady Gaga wants to wear dead animals and make offensive metaphors, well, then she deserves to be eaten by angry lions.  We are a peaceful organization.  We believe in the sacredness of all life.  Except human life, but that’s not the point.

In her blog, You Are What You Eat, Which is Dead Meat, Emily Green posted her thoughts on Lady Gaga’s latest stunts.

“Anyone who eats meat is an ignorant caveman and should be put in jail for life.  If I had a time machine I would teach cave people to only eat fruits, vegetables, and grains.  Then, all of the people living today would be vegetarians.  But, that’s not going to happen.  I hate Lady Gaga.”

When asked her opinion of this anti-meat backlash, Lady Gaga had this to say:

“Free speech is the fried chicken of America.  It’s the Canadian bacon of Canada.  (Wipes the drool off her face) It’s the chicken cordon bleu of France!  It’s the veal parmesan of Italy…”

Watch the World Burn

A man in Florida plans to burn a book, and the whole world ignites.
Here’s the story as I see it after reading four articles and watching several news programs.

Rev. Terry Jones has a church of about fifty people in the state of Florida. They had planned to burn about two hundred copies of the Quran on the ninth anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The main reasons for doing this seem to be that Jones and his congregation believe strongly that Islam is an evil religion, and also that God told them to do it. This story has spread like wildfire all over the world. The Vatican, the president, Hillary Clinton, many evangelical Christians, Gen. David Petraeus, and most other people have condemned the plan. This story has sparked much discussion about the limits of free speech. At the time I posted this, Jones had decided to cancel the book burning since he believed that his action (or lack of action) would result in the movement of the controversial Mosque near the site of ground zero. Muslim leaders report that no such arrangement has been discussed.

I’m going to ask a few questions related to this story and then answer them.

Did God tell Rev. Terry Jones to burn the Quran?
Jones claims to be a Christian. This means that he believes that Jesus Christ is the Son of God as revealed in the Bible. It also means that he is part of the body of Christ. The body of Christ is a term used to identify followers of Jesus from every nation and sect. Christians are not meant to live and operate alone. They are meant to live in community with each other. This means many things. Some of which include: struggling together, teaching about life and God, encouraging each other, expressing the selfless love of Christ, and when one goes astray by engaging in something opposed to the way of Christ, rebuke. What you saw this week was rebuke from the body of Christ. Burning Qurans will not spread the good news about Jesus Christ. There is a good chance that Jones’ main motivations were hate, anger, and fear. God did not tell Terry Jones to burn the Quran.

Should Rev. Terry Jones be allowed to burn the Quran?
Yes, he should be allowed. Though the act of burning Qurans would undoubtedly anger Muslims around the world, freedom of expression in the United States of America should be preserved. If Jones were somehow stopped by our own government, what would that mean? It would mean that freedom of speech was compromised out of fear. We can already burn the flag in protest. The Supreme Court ruled that it would be unconstitutional to prevent someone from burning the flag. So, would it be right to sacrifice our freedom because burning a Quran is offensive? How many acts of free expression are offensive? What makes this one special?

Can Christianity and Islam ever be reconciled?
I have often heard that Christianity and Islam are both religions of peace and fundamentally the same. The problem is that they are not the same. They are fundamentally different. I am sure any true Muslim would agree with this because they would not accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior just as I wouldn’t accept Mohammed as a true prophet of God. For Christians, Jesus Christ is everything. An honest Christian and an honest Muslim understand that their faiths are incompatible. This does not mean that they can’t tolerate each other, or that it is impossible to live in peace, but it does mean that they have to face the fact that they believe fundamentally different things about God and the world. Based on my understanding of human nature and history, I’m afraid it is unlikely that the people who have those COEXIST bumper stickers will ever get their way.

What does this story show us about the world in which we live?
Relations between Christians and Muslims, and the U.S. and the Muslim world are tenuous and volatile. When a tiny church threatening to burn a book causes this much of a response, you have to see that tensions are high. The issue of the Mosque at Ground Zero reveals the same thing.
It is also incredible how connected the world is. We are no longer separated by oceans and mountains and deserts. Boundaries are dissolving. And people are freaking out.
Oddly enough, this story reinforces the truth that one person can make a difference.
Each of us stands before a global audience.

In the Headlines

I now bring you a new segment in which I read a random headline and make up a story.
Let me preface this one by saying that I know almost nothing about Justin Bieber and I’ve watched CSI a couple of times. Here it goes.

Justin Bieber to Appear on CSI

Annoying twelve year old singer/teeny bopper heartthrob, Justin Bieber, is set to appear on an upcoming episode of CSI. Bieber will play himself, but in an alternate reality where fat people are skinny and skinny people are murderers. In a recent interview, Bieber stated, “I’m at the top of my game. Everyone loves me. But I’ve always wanted to be an actor. Ever since I was eleven, yo.”
It has been rumored that Bieber’s presence on the set has driven some cast members to consider an early retirement from acting. Laurence Fishburn, who may or may not be on this particular CSI, has been accused of calling Bieber a “no talent Canadian baby”. And that blond haired woman who used to be on the show told National Enquirer reporters, “CSI used to be respectable. We had that actor who starred in that old Mark Wahlberg movie, Fear, and he was great. Then he left, and now we have Canadian pop singers breaking down our doors.”
The writers of this particular episode have also received criticism for taking the show down a more sci-fi/ fantasy route.
“The show has really become stale. I mean, I don’t know how many seasons we’ve been on the air, but it’s just crime after crime after crime in this boring reality of ours. Let’s take it somewhere else. How about we address the obesity epidemic at the same time? You people just hate change. We’re writing a damned good episode about fat people who are skinny and skinny people who are murderers. If you are offended…good! That’s what we want. We have Justin Bieber. What do you have? That’s what I thought,” said head writer, Dale Bergman, when asked about the upcoming episode.
Love it or hate it, CSI is one of TV’s most popular crime dramas. (I mean, it’s no Du Shiniang, but what is?) But we’ll just have to wait and see if it can handle the drama behind the scenes.
-Alan Dales

Alan Dales is a reporter for CNN. He has a degree in Ancient Chinese Romance Literature from Gudger College, and works in a secret government base developing more nutritious chocolate jimmies.